As a young boy living under his father in a Brahmin community, Siddhartha always felt that others expected too much out of him and he was always being too over-protected. He was loved and respected for being one of the more holy and honorable of the men there, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing. He was living with his father in the manner to achieve enlightenment, and so far it wasn't going that well. It was too slow for Siddhartha. He felt like he had already gotten as much as he could from meditating all the time, and that cleansing your soul could only be done personally. No one could tell you to achieve Nirvana, that is a lone path to take. Siddhartha is a symbol for hope in his community, but he is still unhappy. He needs something more in his life, but he doesn't know what. "Thus was Siddhartha beloved by all. He brought them all joy, filled them with delight. To himself though, Siddhartha brought no joy, gave no delight." (Hesse, 4) After meditating with his best friend Govinda for most of the day, Siddhartha makes the decision to leave his community and trace his own path to enlightenment. Govinda loves Siddhartha, but he tries to convince him to stay. Siddhartha ignores him, and goes home to tell his father -- who is not the least bit supportive to his new life choice. Siddhartha has made up his mind, and his father knows he can't change that now. Siddhartha stands outside for the entire night in preparation. In the morning, his father tells him to go into the forest to be a Samana. His loyal friend, Govinda joins him as Siddhartha takes the first step into his new life. When Siddhartha and Govinda arrive at the scene of the Samanas, they are welcomed. Before long, They have both adapted the lifestyle and are working on their own enlightenment. Siddhartha has adapted the idea that all material possessions are distractions from the real happiness in life, and that the path to true Nirvana is through elimination of all pleasures. Want is a fake emotion, and the only way to be purified is to disconnect from all of it. The Samanas only do enough to survive, and don't indulge in any lust. "-all of these things were unworthy of being looked upon by him; it was all a lie, it all stank, stank of lies, it all gave the allusion of meaning happiness and beauty, and all of it was just putrefaction that no one would admit to." (Hesse, 12-13) Soon, Siddhartha grows weary of his lessons with the Samanas. He has the same problem: he has not yet achieved enlightement. Rumors spread that the Buddha has found Nirvana and broken the circle of rebirth, and Siddhartha decides to seek him. Govinda again tries to convince Siddhartha to stay, telling him that they have learned so much with the Samanas and that they may really be on to something. But Siddhartha is past that. He is prepared to leave with or without Govinda, and eventually but reluctantly Govinda follows him. Siddhartha is slowly making his way to enlightenment, and he has surpassed the Samanas in their study because he wasn't afraid to. He is filling himself with his own happiness, and before long he won't need anymore. Soon Siddhartha and Govinda arrive at a small village where the Buddha Gautama is said to reside. The two rest for the night, and when they wake in the morning they see a bustling crowd of Monks begging for food. Among them is the Gautama, and Siddhartha recognizes him immediately. "Thus did Gautama stroll toward the town to collect alms, and the two Samanas recognized him solely by his perfect calm, the stillness of his figure, in which there was no searching, no desire, no imitation, no effort to be discerned, only light and peace." (Hesse, 25) Siddhartha and Govinda are amazed by this character that has achieved the only thing anyone has ever searched for in their life -- complete Nirvana. It stuns them at how his peace is his own, and he could go on living forever but still not be afraid to die. Siddhartha knows that he must listen to what this great being has to say. After hearing a sermon about Nirvana, Siddhartha begins to question the contradictions in the Buddha's logic. He wonders how one is supposed to be at peace with everything, but yet still not desire it. Siddhartha meets with Gautama in the garden unexpectedly, and he questions him. Even now Govinda has taken an oath under Gautama, but Siddhartha has the same problem he always did. He hasn't learned much from Gautama, and without Govinda, Siddhartha leaves to find a new pathway to enlightenment. He feels robbed by the Buddha for taking his friend, but also thankful for getting faith in himself. The problem and solution Siddhartha is wrestling with is that he is the only one that realizes happiness cannot be taught. To achieve enlightenment is a personally journey, and when one thinks they have found it they probably have a long way to go. Siddhartha is trying to excavate the deep emotions inside him, whether they be good or bad. He wants to connect with himself full circle. His real journey is not the physical one he has set out on, but rather the battle being settled in his heart. He needs to find a purpose, and if his entire legacy is in his own head, so be it. Siddhartha knows that the only way he can be happy is if he allows himself to be.
After leaving the Buddha, Siddhartha is changed. His perspective on the world is different somehow. He decides that he is done with teachers and teaching. The only way he will be able to find what is best for him is to not have it explained by someone else, but to rule it out for himself. "Walking slowly away, Siddhartha realized he was a youth no longer, he had become a man. (Hesse, 33) He is almost tempted to go back to his father, but he knows that that is now in the past. He has nothing to gain from where he has already been. Siddhartha accepts the fact that he is alone, and from now on he was only caged by himself. It was completely up to him to find Nirvana. Siddhartha wanders aimlessly for a while, enjoying nature and all the world has to offer around him as he does so. Eventually, he finds himself aboard a ferry going to a largely populated city. Siddhartha feels bad for not being able to pay the ferryman, but the kind stranger assures him that they will meet again and Siddhartha will bear a gift. Once he arrives at the city, Siddhartha is almost seduced by a mysterious woman. Deep down in his heart Siddhartha feels nothing, so he moves on. But he soon falls play to another woman named Kamala. Siddhartha feels like he has purpose when she smiles at him, and he knows that he must find a way to have her. "Now he was present, he belonged. Light and shade passed through his eyes, star and moon passed through his heart." (Hesse, 42) After a bath and a shave, Siddhartha seeks Kamala to teach him in the way of love. Kamala explains that first Siddhartha must become a member of society, and Siddhartha obeys. Before long, Siddhartha is living a life with the others of Kamala's city. Siddhartha has learned that happiness can be impersonal, in the sense of being displayed through someone else that you were meant for. Before he met Kamala, Siddhartha felt like the world didn't move fast enough for him. Now that he knows how to pick the fruit bore in the present, he feels like he is running out of time. He has gone through the transformation of being of one to for one. Happiness is not concealed to one person, it has to be shared and cared for. The things people enjoy will soon pass, but when someone live for something or someone else, that is all that person will ever need. Love is a give/take equation. It takes a little to get started, but once sparked it can run on itself. Happiness is the same way. Everyone's happiness is different, and some people's Nirvana is to simply be with someone they care for. Siddhartha has found his one happy place. Soon, Siddhartha begins work in Kamaswami's store. His Samana ideals prove to be well rooted, as Siddhartha treats everything as a joke. He shrugs of his failures as easily as he does his success. Siddhartha is uninterested in the ways of wealth and honor, because he knows that those things can only provide limited happiness. Kamaswami eventually tempts Siddhartha by showing him that courting Kamala is better with money, and Siddhartha is beginning to feel wrapped up in the stresses of social restrictions again. Still, Siddhartha has a noble reason for working as a businessman. Kamala is all that is important to him, and he relates with her on many different levels. "He-who in matters of love was still a boy and tended to hurl himself blindly and insatiably into pleasure as into an abyss- was now being instructed methodically in this doctrine." (Hesse, 57) Siddhartha knows that people like him and Kamala can never be in love. But for the time being, he is happy. His ego has been built up, and he knows that it will soon come crashing down on him. He is just trying to enjoy the time he has for the moment. His search for Nirvana is on hold. He has a temporary fix for his yearning, and he is feeling full from the false hope and trust he has placed in Kamala. Deep down he knows it will end, but the lesson he will learn will make all the hardship worth it. He is on a constant quest for knowledge, and soon he will have it -- one way or another.
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